He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
