Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
he thought i was a dude.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
