she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
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