if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
