those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
