help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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