Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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