And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Drunk is a universal language darling
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