I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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