soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
