he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
