I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
