CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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