I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
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Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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