I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
