Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
