either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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