The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
