can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
NoShamevember. You game?
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
