Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
either way he was missing a nipple.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
