All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Randomize
