for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I supernannyed him into submission
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
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