I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Randomize
