she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize