Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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