I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
