dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
