My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
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