Yo dont text me then not text me
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
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I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
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I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
May the power of my ass compel you!!
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