I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
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