The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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