chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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