I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
