so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
