ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
