My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Found the puke drawer
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
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