hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
it's like heaven, but drunker
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
