so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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