I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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