Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
