dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I have fence marks all over my body
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
