I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
