Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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