Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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