so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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