I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
