tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
