Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
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being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
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