I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
