just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
