take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Randomize
