I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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