Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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