I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
