She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
