I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
