The maid of honor just puked.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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