he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
