dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Randomize
