I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Randomize
