Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
third nipple confirmed
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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