So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
