Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
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