this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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