I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
