Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
