just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
