I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize