i love accidental penises.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
