I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
