I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
