my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
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