he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
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I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
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I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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