Swine flu. Run for my life!
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
