i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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