and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Randomize
