I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
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