The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Life is so much better after having sex.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
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I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
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He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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