if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
