kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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