i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
