I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
