She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
